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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Begin Again......

Today was the one month anniversary of this beautiful class and the honeymoon faze is definatly over for the girls, which I was expecting---what happens is that when routine is established they want to push the limits and see if the person is worth thier time, they are so used to people letting them down that they push people away just to see if they will go---kind of I told you so mentality, it gives them protection, they don't get hurt if they actually get close to someone or something---well today the girls group crossed over from we love yoga to whatever, you don't really want to be here---I'm used to it because of CASA but I tell you what the pain that radiates when the kids reach that level of resistance is pretty amazing. The long time girls were laughing and joking and talking amongst themselves, the new girls who are usually attentive because it's new, followed along and before too long, I had them come to sit in sukasana breathing, and focusing in just to calm down the room. The girls calmed down, and because I didn't react to their pushing, the class came back around to focusing on their breathing and the asana--during the focusing I reinforced my willingness to be there, and that nothing would make me stop coming, and even if we sit in sukasana breathing every class, I will be here--they needed the reinforcement of my coming--that this wasn't an experiment and that I wasn't going to be a flake and not show because it got hard. I keep going back to the pain that these kids have, they really prefer to push away anything that is good, because that is easier than being let down again. Maybe we all do that to a certain extent. It a phenomenon to me but I understand the holding people at a distance because it is easier to make someone mad than to have feelings yourself or deal with regular life and it's ups and downs. I'm going to have to focus my attention deeper and focus on reinforcing my willingness to not let them down--these are great kids and in Savasana I reminded them that they are all great kids, with such a spark of greatness inside them, and that they are in charge of their decisions and their lives, and yes sometimes it's hard, but through that there is grace. I reminded them that as spring approaches that the seedlings have a hard time pushing up through the frozen ground, past the snow and ice and reveal themselves. That there are times that a flower has to push off a rock in order to grow--that the flower has a will that will not stop growing because of a rock---their sweet faces changed and they softened--and next week we will begin again. --

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