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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Self Blessing

The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don't flower
for everything flowers from within, of self blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its lovliness,
to put a hand on the brow
of the flower,
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self blessing.
---Galway Kinnell

There is a sweetness that I'm drawn to in the kids that are in JDC, a sweetness that lies deep inside the layers of life that they have covered themselves with. To avoid feeling pain, they shut out crucial portions of their hearts, they allow the feeling parts of themselves to die and are left a shell, a broken shell---
but in yoga, we believe that a broken shell is what lets the light through--the light that allows for the remeberance of self blessing.

As humans, we are united in the search for happiness, which for these kids is a sense of belonging--in their request for separateness, is their scream for unity. If you look at them close enough--deep enough there is a scared, lonly, frail young heart--they have forgotten their self blessing. Yoga helps them remember that they make a difference everyday--

I went to Noah Maze's workshop this weekend, and he talked alot about reflection-- he is an amazing theme weaver--I mean amazing!! He talked of how interesting it is that in order to see ourselves we need to look at an inanimate object (mirror) and that as humans we rely on others to help us understand ourselves. My interpretation of this is that we are afraid to see what is inside, we are afraid of our greatness, and the kids I see, are afraid that they are worthy of good, of self blessing....when did their inner core of heart become broken-- It is easier to believe what others say, it gives us an out-- if we have to rely on others then the responsiblity of who we are is not our own.

As a young person, I lost the idea of self blessing, I searched through everyone to help me understand my self worth, and it worked for a while, but it was fake, I began searching for who I was, and what it was that I wanted to stand for. It was easier to become whoever someone wanted me to be--I was afraid of myself, what if I wasn't good enough, what if all the bad things that I thought of myself were true and everyone could see it--what if the layers of protection became cracked and I couldn't hold it together. And then it happened, I began to release the person that I tried to be and became the person I was-- this did not occur because of one person or thing, it happened because of a deep sense of wanting to stop the carousel--

I share a kinship with these kids, I really do, I see myself in them, and I see the lost girl I once was-- someday, they may look back and remember their yoga class, and the yoga will be the hand on their brow that allows them to remember their ability to hold onto their self blessing.

1 comment:

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